🤝 The people around you
So others understand
Grandparents, aunts and uncles, neighbors, the teacher, people at the grocery store: often they know nothing about autism. It isn’t ill will; nobody has explained it to them. Here are ideas and a message ready to send.
It’s not a tantrum, it’s a meltdown
From the outside they can look alike, but on the inside they’re very different. Understanding the difference changes how we react.
😤 A tantrum
- Has a goal: the child wants something.
- Checks whether people are watching.
- Stops when they get what they wanted, or when nobody pays attention.
- The child can partly control it.
🌊 A meltdown
- It’s a reaction to too much: noise, lights, people, changes, tiredness or pain.
- The child doesn’t care who is watching.
- It doesn’t stop even if you give them what they “wanted”.
- They can’t control it. Afterwards they’re exhausted.
💡 A meltdown is not the time to teach or scold: it’s the time to protect and calm. Whatever needs to be learned is worked on later, once things are calm.
What you can do
- Bring noise-canceling headphones and something that calms them.
- Find a quieter place and wait for it to pass: it isn’t the time to scold or explain.
- Talk little and softly, and make sure they don’t get hurt.
- If you see a family like this: don’t record, don’t comment, and ask “can I help?”.
Read what it says
This isn’t a tantrum. It’s a meltdown. There’s too much noise, light and people. Their brain gets overwhelmed. What hurts most isn’t the meltdown… it’s the stares. They don’t need scolding. They need calm and space. If you see a family like this, don’t judge. Ask: can I help?
Watch it in 30 seconds
It’s not a tantrum, it’s a meltdown
Send it to the grandparents, the aunts and uncles or the teacher. Sometimes a video explains things faster than a thousand words.
The videos are narrated in Spanish, with subtitles; the English transcript is under each one. You can download them and send them on WhatsApp.
If you see a child having a meltdown
On the street, at the grocery store, at a party. This is what helps the family most.
✅ What helps
- Giving space and keeping onlookers away.
- Lowering the noise: turning off the music, speaking softly.
- Asking the parents: “Can I help with anything?”
- Being patient: it will pass in a few minutes.
🚫 What doesn’t help
- Recording with your phone.
- Giving opinions: “he needs discipline”, “she’s spoiled”.
- Touching or picking up the child without permission.
- Crowding around or talking to them a lot and loudly.
With doctors and specialists
A crowded waiting room, with noise and lights, can be impossible for your child. If they arrive exhausted, they won’t let the doctor examine them, and all the effort of getting there is lost. Ask for what they need before you go.
The first appointment of the day
That’s when there are the fewest delays. When booking, explain that your child is autistic and why you’re asking.
Call before leaving
Confirm that the doctor has arrived and is on time. That way your child isn’t stuck in the car and the waiting room for nothing.
Wait outside
Ask to wait in the car or in a quiet place, and to be called or texted when the doctor is ready.
Bring their kit
A snack, their favorite toy, headphones, the tablet or Mi Voz. And read them the “I go to the doctor” story beforehand.
Explain before touching
Ask the doctor to tell or show your child what they’re going to do before doing it, and to do it calmly.
It’s okay to leave
If your child can’t take any more, leaving isn’t failing. Ask to reschedule at a better time. And if there’s no consideration at all, look for another specialist.
Why we sometimes don’t go
If a family with an autistic child stops going to parties and get-togethers, it’s almost never for lack of love. This is what you can’t see from the outside.
The lights and the noise
Loud music, lights, balloons popping. What is a party for others can truly hurt for our child.
So many people
Lots of people, hugs and voices at the same time can overwhelm our child and end in a meltdown.
Their order
Other kids move the things our child arranged so carefully, like bottles in a row. For our child it isn’t a game: it’s how they stay calm.
Money
Therapies, tests and medicines cost a lot. When we have to choose between a party and a therapy session, the answer is obvious.
Exhaustion
One outing can mean days of preparation and days of recovery. Sometimes there’s simply no energy left.
The stares
The comments and the looks during a meltdown weigh on us. Sometimes it’s easier to stay home.
If you want to stay close, this helps
- Keep inviting them, even if they say no. Let them know they matter.
- Suggest calm plans: a short visit at their home, a park at a quiet time.
- If they come to your party: a quiet room to rest, and no one getting offended if they leave early.
- Understand if they cancel at the last minute. It isn’t a snub.
- Ask what the child needs, and explain to your kids not to move their things.
- For birthdays or Christmas: instead of a toy, help pay for a therapy session or something the child will really use.
💬 “If we didn’t come to your party…”
To send to anyone you like, when you don’t have the energy to explain.
Going out together
A restaurant, the movies or leaving your child with the grandparents for a while: what is normal for others is almost impossible for many families. It isn’t always possible, and that’s okay. But sometimes, with adjustments, it is.
Restaurants
Go at the least busy time, ask for a corner table or one outside, and ask for the check when you order. Bring their safe food, headphones and something to keep them busy. Start with something short, like ice cream.
Sensory-friendly movies
Cinépolis (a Mexican movie theater chain) has funciones relajadas (relaxed showings), with dimmed lights, lower sound and no problem if your child moves or makes noise. Look for them in its app as “función relajada”. They’re available in Monterrey and in more than 40 theaters across the country.
Letting someone else care for them
Start with short stretches, with you there. Teach them the routine, Mi Voz and what to do in a meltdown, and leave them the “How I communicate” sheet. Then, little by little, more time.
Prepare them ahead
Read together the social story about where you’re going, several days before: “We go to a restaurant” or “I go to the movies”.
Exit plan
Decide beforehand who will step out with your child if they can’t take any more. Leaving in time isn’t failing: it’s taking care of them, and next time it’ll be easier to try.
Respite
Ask at the DIF (Mexico’s family welfare agency) and at associations whether they have weekend workshops or programs. Other families, like a guide family, can also point you in the right direction.
Sources on relaxed showings: ADN40, March 2026 (in Spanish). Times and theaters change: check the Cinépolis app before you go.
How to explain it to your family
Often grandparents, aunts, uncles or close friends don’t understand because nobody has explained it to them. It isn’t ill will.
- Pick a calm moment, not in the middle of a meltdown or a party.
- Use concrete examples: “when the blender goes off, for him it’s like someone shouting in his ear”.
- Tell them what upsets your child and what calms them, so they know how to act.
- Ask for one specific thing: it’s easier to say yes to something clear.
- Give them something to read: this page or the message below.
💬 A message ready to send on WhatsApp
Type your child’s name, fill in the blanks and send it.
How to get them involved
When the family takes part, your child gains more people who understand them, and you gain rest.
Invite them to a therapy session
Watching how the therapist works teaches more than any explanation. Ask whether a grandparent or an aunt can join a session.
Show them Mi Voz
In five minutes: tap the picture so it speaks, and use it themselves when talking to your child (“do you want water?” while tapping water).
Give them a specific task
“Take him to the park on Saturdays”, “watch her for an hour so I can rest”. A clear task is easier to keep.
Explain it to the cousins
In simple words: “his brain hears everything louder”, “she doesn’t like to be hugged without warning”, “he loves it when you play cars with him”.
At school
Bring the “How I communicate” sheet: how your child communicates, what calms them and what to do in a meltdown. It helps teachers and caregivers a lot.
Accept the help
Sometimes family doesn’t know what to do, so they do nothing. Tell them what you need. Asking for help isn’t weakness.
What’s next?
Food
When they eat very few foods: why it happens, what helps at home and when to get help.
Open →Are they growing well?
Weight and height calculator with the WHO charts, and what to watch if they eat very few foods.
Open →Therapy traffic light
Which therapies have evidence, which don’t work and which are dangerous.
Open →